Dear Diary,
The Chestnut Tree cafe is nearly empty. I sit here writing this ebcause I have nothing better to do but worry about the war. I saw Julia the other day, walking through the park. We spoke for a few moments, admitting to betraying one another. Thinking about it makes me sad, but there is no longing in my heart. The past is the past. I find myself engulfed in day dreams more often, usually about Big Brother. How long have I waited for the day when he will envelope me in his loving arms and crack a smile under that mustache?
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Chapter Three Section Five
Dear Diary,
I betrayed Julia. The one thing I said I would not do, I did. And suprisingly enough, I don't feel the same about her anymore. When faced with my worst fear, rats, I crumbled. I did what I had to to avoid them eating me alive. Room 101 will stay with me forever. It is apart of me, that fear will always be ingrained in me. To avoid pain is a human instinct, which is why I betrayed Julia.
I betrayed Julia. The one thing I said I would not do, I did. And suprisingly enough, I don't feel the same about her anymore. When faced with my worst fear, rats, I crumbled. I did what I had to to avoid them eating me alive. Room 101 will stay with me forever. It is apart of me, that fear will always be ingrained in me. To avoid pain is a human instinct, which is why I betrayed Julia.
Chapter Three Section Four
Dear Diary,
Finally, my body is starting to heal. I have grown fatter since I last wrote and now exercise regularly. It is difficult, but I am slowly getting fitter. My mind is more active, though I hardly have any interest in using it. When I do, it is to re-educate myself in the ways of Ingsoc. It is the hardest thing I have ever done! How does one teach themselves to believe something they previously hated? It must, however, be done if I am to one day be shot.
Finally, my body is starting to heal. I have grown fatter since I last wrote and now exercise regularly. It is difficult, but I am slowly getting fitter. My mind is more active, though I hardly have any interest in using it. When I do, it is to re-educate myself in the ways of Ingsoc. It is the hardest thing I have ever done! How does one teach themselves to believe something they previously hated? It must, however, be done if I am to one day be shot.
Chapter Three Section Three
Dear Diary,
I saw myself for the first time today in what feels like months. I am no longer the man I thought I was. I am a filthy, dirty, scum bag starved nearly to death. O'Brien is perhaps the most cruel and intelligent person on Earth. For although I know I should despise him, I do not. He understands me in a way I cannot explain. In our daily sessions, I learned why the Party does what it does. They love power. They are not interested in wealth or happiness or longevity; only power. This scares me because O'Brien says there is no hope of a Proliterian uprising.
I saw myself for the first time today in what feels like months. I am no longer the man I thought I was. I am a filthy, dirty, scum bag starved nearly to death. O'Brien is perhaps the most cruel and intelligent person on Earth. For although I know I should despise him, I do not. He understands me in a way I cannot explain. In our daily sessions, I learned why the Party does what it does. They love power. They are not interested in wealth or happiness or longevity; only power. This scares me because O'Brien says there is no hope of a Proliterian uprising.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Chapter Three Section Two
Dear Diary,
I am in hell. It impossible to tell how long, for there are no days in this place where there is no darkness. I am being tortured for my crimes and confessing things I have not commited. In fact, I am certain I will be punished for writing this. But I don't care, atleast not yet. They may break my body, but it will be a long time until I succumb to the ways of Big Brother. Who would have thought O'Brien would be one of them? However strange this statement may seem, I am glad O'Brien is my inquisitor and not another Party intellectual.
I am in hell. It impossible to tell how long, for there are no days in this place where there is no darkness. I am being tortured for my crimes and confessing things I have not commited. In fact, I am certain I will be punished for writing this. But I don't care, atleast not yet. They may break my body, but it will be a long time until I succumb to the ways of Big Brother. Who would have thought O'Brien would be one of them? However strange this statement may seem, I am glad O'Brien is my inquisitor and not another Party intellectual.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Chapter Three Section One
Dear Diary,
I fear this may be the one of the last entries I ever write. I think I am dying of starvation. And if not that, torture. For I believe I am in the Ministry of Love, so death surely awaits me. I have always known I would die this way, but actually being here is terrifying. Someday I wish they would kill me now. You will not believe who was in this cell with me-Ampleforth and Parsons. Ampleforth is gone now but Parsons remains. Parsons demon daughter denounced him for muttering in his sleep. That is why I am glad Julia and I will never have children. Julia...my heart aches. Will we ever be together again? What is going on...O'Brien?!
I fear this may be the one of the last entries I ever write. I think I am dying of starvation. And if not that, torture. For I believe I am in the Ministry of Love, so death surely awaits me. I have always known I would die this way, but actually being here is terrifying. Someday I wish they would kill me now. You will not believe who was in this cell with me-Ampleforth and Parsons. Ampleforth is gone now but Parsons remains. Parsons demon daughter denounced him for muttering in his sleep. That is why I am glad Julia and I will never have children. Julia...my heart aches. Will we ever be together again? What is going on...O'Brien?!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Dear Diary,
What time is it? I fear I've over slept again. Julia is dressing now. We stair out the window together at the working woman. She sings the tune heard throughout London. She is beautiful in her own, unique way. Julia laughs as I say this, but 'tis true! Wait...what was that? Where is it coming from? Damnit, I must go!
What time is it? I fear I've over slept again. Julia is dressing now. We stair out the window together at the working woman. She sings the tune heard throughout London. She is beautiful in her own, unique way. Julia laughs as I say this, but 'tis true! Wait...what was that? Where is it coming from? Damnit, I must go!
Chapter Two Section Nine
Dear Diary,
I am tiered but not exhausted. Hate Week is officially over and now Julia and I relax in our room. The most disturbing and fascinating thing happened during one of the speeches. A man was speaking in an angry voice when someone slipped a paper into his hand. In mid sentence, after reading it, he switched the name of the enemy from Eurasia to Eastasia. The idiots thought it the work of Goldstein, but I know the truth. There is no war. As I sit here in my chair, I read the book. In it Goldstein describes the nature of society and his means of destroying it. I have never been more excited in my life! I actually have something to live for now, besides Julia that is. When she wakes up we shall discuss it's content.
I am tiered but not exhausted. Hate Week is officially over and now Julia and I relax in our room. The most disturbing and fascinating thing happened during one of the speeches. A man was speaking in an angry voice when someone slipped a paper into his hand. In mid sentence, after reading it, he switched the name of the enemy from Eurasia to Eastasia. The idiots thought it the work of Goldstein, but I know the truth. There is no war. As I sit here in my chair, I read the book. In it Goldstein describes the nature of society and his means of destroying it. I have never been more excited in my life! I actually have something to live for now, besides Julia that is. When she wakes up we shall discuss it's content.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Chapter Two Section Eight
Dear Diary,
Today I met with O'Brien. Julia and I entered his beautiful home in the quarter of town where Inner Party members live. It was magnificent! The food was delicious, and O'Brien could turn off the telescreen for a whole thiry minutes! I couldn't believe my eyes! I must admit I am jelous. But that is beside the point; We spoke of the Brotherhood and drank wine in honor of Goldstein. O'Brien then informed us that Julia and I would complete several small tasks and most likely be killed. If we are not killed, our identities must be changed. As frightening as this is, I am ready. Our meeting ended with the promise that O'Brien will send me a book telling of society's true nature and our means of destroying it. AfterI left, it occured to me that O'Brien was busy completing work for the Party.
Today I met with O'Brien. Julia and I entered his beautiful home in the quarter of town where Inner Party members live. It was magnificent! The food was delicious, and O'Brien could turn off the telescreen for a whole thiry minutes! I couldn't believe my eyes! I must admit I am jelous. But that is beside the point; We spoke of the Brotherhood and drank wine in honor of Goldstein. O'Brien then informed us that Julia and I would complete several small tasks and most likely be killed. If we are not killed, our identities must be changed. As frightening as this is, I am ready. Our meeting ended with the promise that O'Brien will send me a book telling of society's true nature and our means of destroying it. AfterI left, it occured to me that O'Brien was busy completing work for the Party.
Chapter Two Section Seven
Dear Diary,
I recently had the strangest dream. Yet it was not a dream but more of a memory. In it, I was with my mother and sister. Father was gone, as he had been for some time, and I can't recall exactly what happened to him. Anyways, one day a chocolate ration was issued and mother split it into pieces, three fourths for me and one fourth for my sister. Being the beastly little swine I was, I stole her chocolate and ate it. Feeling guilty, I ran away for a time. When I returned, they were gone. I haven't seen them since. When I tried to talk to Julia about it she fell back asleep. Sometimes I wish she took more interest in the past. Afterall, she is the only one I have to talk to about these things. This dream made me realize that the Proles are the only real humans left. My mother was human, her opinions were her own and no one could change them. She loved who she wanted, just like the Proles.
I recently had the strangest dream. Yet it was not a dream but more of a memory. In it, I was with my mother and sister. Father was gone, as he had been for some time, and I can't recall exactly what happened to him. Anyways, one day a chocolate ration was issued and mother split it into pieces, three fourths for me and one fourth for my sister. Being the beastly little swine I was, I stole her chocolate and ate it. Feeling guilty, I ran away for a time. When I returned, they were gone. I haven't seen them since. When I tried to talk to Julia about it she fell back asleep. Sometimes I wish she took more interest in the past. Afterall, she is the only one I have to talk to about these things. This dream made me realize that the Proles are the only real humans left. My mother was human, her opinions were her own and no one could change them. She loved who she wanted, just like the Proles.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Chapter Two Section Six
Dear Diary,
It finally happened!! O'Brien spoke to me! I was walking down the corridor when he gave a small cough behind me as if to suggest wanting to speak. He then proceeded to tell me some rubbish about Newspeak and the new tenth edition dictionary. But then he gave me his address to pick it up! Can you believe it? I held in my hands the address to an inner-Party member's house. This can only mean one thing...I have reached the outter edges of a dangerous conspiracy. I am appart of the Brotherhood. As thrilled as I am, I have the sensation that I've just sealed my fate. Today marks the beginning of the end. Maybe O'Brien did just want to give me his dictionary...:/
It finally happened!! O'Brien spoke to me! I was walking down the corridor when he gave a small cough behind me as if to suggest wanting to speak. He then proceeded to tell me some rubbish about Newspeak and the new tenth edition dictionary. But then he gave me his address to pick it up! Can you believe it? I held in my hands the address to an inner-Party member's house. This can only mean one thing...I have reached the outter edges of a dangerous conspiracy. I am appart of the Brotherhood. As thrilled as I am, I have the sensation that I've just sealed my fate. Today marks the beginning of the end. Maybe O'Brien did just want to give me his dictionary...:/
Chapter Two Section Five
Dear Diary,
Forgive me for not having written in some time. Preperations for hate week are in full swing and I am engulfed in work. Oh, did I mention Syme was vaporized? I always knew this would happen, but so soon! It's sad really, even if I'm the only person who really noticed. I have, however, been feeling much better lately. My varicose ulcer vanished and I've stopped coughing. I think Julia is to blame. Last night we met in our room above Mr. Charrington's shop. It was dreadfully hot but pleasurable all the same. We spoke of rebellion. How I wish we could join the Brotherhood together. Julia does not believe in such things as organized rebellion against the Party. She only thinks about evading them through individual acts of disobedience. I refuse to give up hope. Who knows, there may be an independent political movement one day that most can not even imagine!
Forgive me for not having written in some time. Preperations for hate week are in full swing and I am engulfed in work. Oh, did I mention Syme was vaporized? I always knew this would happen, but so soon! It's sad really, even if I'm the only person who really noticed. I have, however, been feeling much better lately. My varicose ulcer vanished and I've stopped coughing. I think Julia is to blame. Last night we met in our room above Mr. Charrington's shop. It was dreadfully hot but pleasurable all the same. We spoke of rebellion. How I wish we could join the Brotherhood together. Julia does not believe in such things as organized rebellion against the Party. She only thinks about evading them through individual acts of disobedience. I refuse to give up hope. Who knows, there may be an independent political movement one day that most can not even imagine!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Chapter Two Section Four
Dear Diary,
Hate week is coming up and I am truely tiered. I write this sitting in a chair above Mr. Charrington's shop. I feel that renting this room was a good decision, if not impulsive. Julia and I both agree it will be nice to have a place to meet in private. Of course it is a hasle avoiding patrol men on the way here, but worth it. Julia is set to arive any time now. I've brought the glass paper weight along with me. It seems as though the coral is contained inside its own little glass world, as I am contained in this room. If only we could stay here forever listening to the sounds of women working and children laughing in the twilight.
Hate week is coming up and I am truely tiered. I write this sitting in a chair above Mr. Charrington's shop. I feel that renting this room was a good decision, if not impulsive. Julia and I both agree it will be nice to have a place to meet in private. Of course it is a hasle avoiding patrol men on the way here, but worth it. Julia is set to arive any time now. I've brought the glass paper weight along with me. It seems as though the coral is contained inside its own little glass world, as I am contained in this room. If only we could stay here forever listening to the sounds of women working and children laughing in the twilight.
Dear Diary,
My once dreary life has taken a turn for the better. I only wish our meeting didn't have to be clandestine. I see her perhaps once a week on a busy street corner or down a dark alley. We recently succeeded in meeting for a few hours in the top of a church's belfry. Julia knows so many strange hiding places! I suspect it's from her numerous love affairs. On that day, she spoke of her beliefs. She has no apparent interest in Party doctrine, except where it affects her own life. Oh, to be young again! Here I am, always up in my head thinking about life and death and the Brotherhood and everything else complicated, while she simply lives to avoid being caught by the Party. It is like some sort of game to her. I am too old for games.
My once dreary life has taken a turn for the better. I only wish our meeting didn't have to be clandestine. I see her perhaps once a week on a busy street corner or down a dark alley. We recently succeeded in meeting for a few hours in the top of a church's belfry. Julia knows so many strange hiding places! I suspect it's from her numerous love affairs. On that day, she spoke of her beliefs. She has no apparent interest in Party doctrine, except where it affects her own life. Oh, to be young again! Here I am, always up in my head thinking about life and death and the Brotherhood and everything else complicated, while she simply lives to avoid being caught by the Party. It is like some sort of game to her. I am too old for games.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Chapter Two Section Two
Dear Diary,
Today was the sweetest day I've had in a long time. After speaking with Julia breifly, we arranged to meet in a secret pasture in the coutryside. It is a lovely spot with trees, tall grass, and flowers. There are no microphones hidden amongst the shrubbery so we were completly alone. For a while I feared she would not come, but then she appeared. One thing led to another and before I knew it she was in my arms. Her lips are beautiful. We made passionate love and discussed our hatred of the Party. Who would have guessed she loathed all the organizations she took part in? I couldn't help but smile! We've arranged to meet again soon. My life has suddenly become exciting, full, and utterly terrifying.
Today was the sweetest day I've had in a long time. After speaking with Julia breifly, we arranged to meet in a secret pasture in the coutryside. It is a lovely spot with trees, tall grass, and flowers. There are no microphones hidden amongst the shrubbery so we were completly alone. For a while I feared she would not come, but then she appeared. One thing led to another and before I knew it she was in my arms. Her lips are beautiful. We made passionate love and discussed our hatred of the Party. Who would have guessed she loathed all the organizations she took part in? I couldn't help but smile! We've arranged to meet again soon. My life has suddenly become exciting, full, and utterly terrifying.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Chapter Two, Section One
Dear Diary,
Something happened today that will undoubtedly change my life. I was walking down the hallway towards my cubicle when I saw the dark haired girl. Her arm was in a cast and she tripped and fell. I reached down to help her up and she slipped a note into my hand. So, just to be safe, I waited a while to read it. And when I did, guess what it said? I LOVE YOU. I love you! I could hardley believe my eyes and still can't. All this time I thought she hated me or was a spy, and here she is proclaining her love for me. She's a brave little thing! I don't know what to think of it all, but I can't help the feeling of excitment in my stumach. What am I to do now? My only options are writing her a letter, or meeting somewhere. The first is too risky, so it will have to be the second. Perhaps in the lunch room one day soon. Yes, it must be soon, for I don't want her to change her mind. Todays events leave me with a lingering question- why would a pretty young thing like that want to be with an old geaser like myself?
Something happened today that will undoubtedly change my life. I was walking down the hallway towards my cubicle when I saw the dark haired girl. Her arm was in a cast and she tripped and fell. I reached down to help her up and she slipped a note into my hand. So, just to be safe, I waited a while to read it. And when I did, guess what it said? I LOVE YOU. I love you! I could hardley believe my eyes and still can't. All this time I thought she hated me or was a spy, and here she is proclaining her love for me. She's a brave little thing! I don't know what to think of it all, but I can't help the feeling of excitment in my stumach. What am I to do now? My only options are writing her a letter, or meeting somewhere. The first is too risky, so it will have to be the second. Perhaps in the lunch room one day soon. Yes, it must be soon, for I don't want her to change her mind. Todays events leave me with a lingering question- why would a pretty young thing like that want to be with an old geaser like myself?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Chapter One
Dear Diary,
I sit at the table drinking vile gin and reflecting on the events of the day. I am emersed in a project at the Ministry that consists of rewriting one of Big Brother's Orders of the Day. All was going well when I stood for the Two Minutes Hate. It was then that I noticed the dark haired girl standing behind me. A coincidence? I think not. A feeling of fear and hatred welled up inside me, yet was hard to sustain given her lovely features. Oh well, I must not think of these things. Then there was lunch break with Comrade Syme, who spoke more about the uselessness of OldSpeak. I am sure he will be vaporized one day, along with many others. It is a scarry thought, vaportization. I find myself thinking about it far too often, often enough to worry about Thought Crime. How does one hide something so feirce? My hatred and frustration towards the Party will surely be discovered. Next I came home and assisted Mrs. Parsons with her heater. That damn woman's things are always breaking! However, I cannot help but feel sorry for her with those two awful children and Tom. I regret to say that I am happy Katharine never concieved.
I sit at the table drinking vile gin and reflecting on the events of the day. I am emersed in a project at the Ministry that consists of rewriting one of Big Brother's Orders of the Day. All was going well when I stood for the Two Minutes Hate. It was then that I noticed the dark haired girl standing behind me. A coincidence? I think not. A feeling of fear and hatred welled up inside me, yet was hard to sustain given her lovely features. Oh well, I must not think of these things. Then there was lunch break with Comrade Syme, who spoke more about the uselessness of OldSpeak. I am sure he will be vaporized one day, along with many others. It is a scarry thought, vaportization. I find myself thinking about it far too often, often enough to worry about Thought Crime. How does one hide something so feirce? My hatred and frustration towards the Party will surely be discovered. Next I came home and assisted Mrs. Parsons with her heater. That damn woman's things are always breaking! However, I cannot help but feel sorry for her with those two awful children and Tom. I regret to say that I am happy Katharine never concieved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)